Conflict Resolution... Re-learning.

Speaking of plasticity. I've been working on my defense for my masters in conflict resolution and I keep thinking about this reaction many of us have in response to conflict. Through long-term potentiation (when several neurons fire together repeatedly they form a stronger connection that makes that same pattern of firing between those same neurons more common... "neurons that fire together, wire together") we learn to react to conflict. Whether we get angry or we avoid, most of us have created this negative response to conflict. By the time students are learning conflict resolution skills it's more of a re-learning process than it is a learning process. Conflict resolution education is about acting instead of reacting, and the difference lies in this long-term potentiation process. Changing a response requires recognizing ourselves having the response and instead choosing to do something else. But how do you teach that to children?

I'm starting to think teaching mindfulness is key to re-learning conflict resolution skills. As Daniel Siegel says Reflection is the fourth 'R' of education. As we learn, through mindfulness, to observe the things around us as well as our own internal state, we are able to reflect on it. When someone misunderstands me I notice my heart rate starts to rise, my thoughts become frantic as I search for ways to re-explain myself. If I don't stop to recognize this occurrence, I may snap or get defensive. If I recognize these as symptoms of this perceived misunderstanding, I can understand the situation, control my heart rate through my breathing thus calming myself and my thoughts so that I can correctly respond. I recognize my current neural connections (aka reactions) and decide I'm going to make a new connection fostered around mindful reflection of the moment. Through practice, I will re-learn how to act in conflict.

This is the key, in my opinion to constructive conflict management... Reflection... or maybe Mindful Reflection is more accurate. Although I'm not sure if reflection can be mindless.

Stay tuned for thoughts on Conflict Resolution and the Polyvagal Theory...